I feel its presence all the time, wherever I go. Even while sleeping, I am aware of its presence – hovering over me; watching me. I can never really ignore it. I may laugh and joke around, make myself busy – but the moment I’m left to fend for myself, there it is in the corner, silently observing me with those wary eyes. I can do anything and everything I know to make it go away, but does it? does it really? Of course it doesn’t it. It may definitely seem to be gone. But then how is it that I’m still aware of its presence? Invisible presence.
In the end, I just give in and let it take over me – engulf me. Possess me – so much to the point that you can’t differentiate between me and it. It becomes a part of me, and I become it. So far, I’ve been lucky enough to come back; to detach myself from it. Bruised, but whole.
The question is: how long will this go on, before I decide that enough is enough? That giving in is so much easier and less energy-consuming, than trying to withstand it?